2: The Winner Takes It All

And the Loser has to fall… we all know that immortalised Abba song.

The Trophy No One Else Can See ~Being right is the most expensive habit in business.

---

There’s a trap when irritation isn’t channelled into something useful.

 It's called needing to be right.

And here's the insidious thing about it: it feels like winning.

Someone doesn't follow through ~ You were correct about them.

A project goes sideways ~ You called it.

A conversation ends badly ~ You had the better argument.

Congratulations! You get to stand there holding the trophy.

The problem? No one else can see it. Nothing out there changed. The relationship is the same. The outcome is the same. The project is still sideways.

You won a game that only existed in your head.

Unless something changes out there — nothing was won.

The "make wrong" move is seductive because it closes the loop internally. You get resolution without requiring anything difficult from you~

No conversation. No curiosity. No growth.

Just: I was right. They were wrong. Done.

The Game asks a different question:

What would have to be true for something to actually change?

That's harder. It's also the only question worth asking.

But here's the catch.

When your nervous system is hijacked — when emotions are running the show — you can't ask that question. You're not built for it. Intelligence and emotion share the same bandwidth, and right now, emotion is broadcasting strongest.

That's why the right/wrong trap is so effective. It doesn't require you to come back online. It closes the loop while you're still offline.

So before the question, there's a prior move.

Notice the amber light.

Irritation isn't a verdict. It's a signal — your nervous system clocking that something here matters to you. Not: you're right. Not: they're wrong. Just: something's about to change. Are you paying attention?

You're never going to stop being irritated. Don't try. That's not the game.

The game is learning to see amber for what it is — before you've already run the light.

Then ask the question.

— See you next Friday